Tuesday, June 29, 2010

On Belief


This post might seem a bit controversial on first reading, but controversy is not always a bad thing.  (Just as how war is often a horrible, misguided practice, it can also affirm to us that there are ideals worth fighting and dying for.)  And it's my blog, so I can write whatever I want!  (No one reads it anyway; and the ones who do read it I hope are open-minded, and that they embrace the idea of ideas.)

I recently upgraded my iPod touch's OS to OS 4.0.  It allows my iPod to perform a whole bunch of cool new functions, such as grouping applications into folders, and allowing my iPod to receive push notifications while in Sleep mode.  All welcome things.

It also allows me to access Apple's new eBook reader, and to download content from their online book store.  One pleasant surprise about their book store is that they offer hundreds upon hundreds of public domain works entirely for free!  This pleases me, because I would never imagine buying a new novel to read on my iPod.  The screen is just too tiny (though that doesn't make the text tiny.  The text is scalable in size to suit your eye.)  However, I'm more than happy to download free classic books that are pretty much impossible to find at your local bookstore.

If you like, you can download the entire works of Edgar Allen Poe, or Rudyard Kipling, or Dante's Inferno...there is so much public domain content out there to explore.

It is pretty much for this reason alone that I would love to get an iPad, so I could read these books on a more comfortably sized screen.  (Are these public domain books also available on the Kindle?  The Kindle is so much cheaper...)

One of the authors I've been downloading a lot of work by is Gilbert Keith Chesterton, who I've mentioned here and there on this blog before.  He is another writer I've discovered on what I call "The Chain."

What is the Chain?  It is when one writer leads you to another.  When I was younger, I learned about the writing of Neil Gaiman, which I consumed with such rapidity and ferocity it was as if his writing were relieving me of a starvation that I didn't know I previously possessed.  It is no exaggeration to say that his writing changed my life forever.

From Neil Gaiman I learned about the writer Gene Wolfe, and so I moved on to his writing.  I think I've now read most of what Gene Wolfe has written, and once again, he's changed my life forever.

Now through Gene Wolfe (and also Neil Gaiman) I've moved on to G. K. Chesterton, a writer who was so prolific in his time, it would be hard to beat today.  He wrote mostly from the turn of the 20th century, up until the 1930s, when he died.

He wrote some wonderful, often hilariously satirical fantastic fiction, but also wrote on a wide range of controversial topics of his day and age.

(Perhaps one of his most famous quotes, a quote worth living a life by, is this: "Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist; but they tell us that dragons can be beaten.")

He wrote a lot about Theology and Morality (and how the two are NOT the same), and criticized a lot of what he saw as the great failures of his society.

And always he used logical argument as his primary tool.

Anyway, I was up late last night reading on my little iPod his book "Heretics".  This was a book primarily meant to explore a serious problem he saw with the modernity of turn of the century Europe.  (He followed this book with one called "Orthodoxy", which is where he offers a number of solutions to this problem.)

As I was reading, I found myself in agreement with him, and could see that many of the problems he spoke about over a hundred years ago are still relevant today.

He argues that in the modern society, people act as if a person's philosophy about the universe does not matter, when it is in fact the most important thing about a person to consider.  To explain how this is so, he uses the example of the heretic and the orthodox.

Back when people were burned or tortured as being heretics, the heretic could not imagine describing him or herself as being heretical.  To the heretic, it was the rest of the world that had become heretical.  If the heretic could stand by anything, it was that they stood for orthodoxy.  The heretic did not rebel against his society, it was his society that rebelled against him.  Even the anarchist planting a bomb to kill innocents would feel that, if anything, he is standing up for truth and orthodox.  After all, a person does not fight with the whole force of his being to support what he believes to be a lie.

But nowadays, people take pride in being labeled a heretic, as if to be a heretic is to mean being right, and to be orthodox is to mean being wrong.  Chesterton argues that the only explanation for this is that people no longer care about whether they are philosophically right.  That none of it even matters.

There is a quote that I love.  It reads:

"It is foolish, generally speaking, for a philosopher to set fire to another philosopher in Smithfield Market because they do not agree in their theory of the universe.  That was done very frequently in the last decadence of the Middle Ages, and it failed altogether in its object.  But there is one thing that is infinitely more absurd and unpractical than burning a man for his philosophy.  This is the habit of saying that his philosophy does not matter..."

This is a dangerous way of thinking for a society to build itself on, and I think we can see the results all around us.  Without serious argument and discussion about what the role of the human is in this universe, we effectively leave ourselves blind to what ultimate goal we should be pursuing.  We embrace the idea of being efficient, but with no understanding of what we need to be efficient for.  We leave ourselves with a very clear definition of what is hell, but no dream of the heaven we need to rise to.  As Chesterton says, "What is the good of begetting a man until we have settled what is the good of being a man?"

He uses the clever example of Oscar Wilde to show how ridiculous a society without a driven desire to differentiate what is right and what is wrong can become.

"In the fifteenth century men cross-examined and tormented a man because he preached some immoral attitude; in the nineteenth century we feted and flattered Oscar Wilde because he preached such an attitude, and then we broke his heart in penal servitude because he carried it out.  It may be a question which of the two methods was the more cruel; there can be no kind of question which was the more ludicrous.  The age of the Inquisition has not at least the disgrace of having produced a society which made an idol of the very same man for preaching the very same things which it made him a convict for practising."

So philosophy matters.  Arguing about what is right and wrong matters.  We shouldn't fool ourselves into thinking that it is all just a question of subjectivity.

A similar problem I see in our world today is what I guess could be characterized as "the oneness of religion." There is a widespread conviction that somehow all religions are really not that different from each other.

But to say this, I think, dismisses the importance of religion.  It delegates it to the same level of importance as a person's hobby.

To say that all religions are pretty much the same is to simply shirk from discussion on the matter.  It is saying "this discussion is far too difficult, so let's not bother having it."

Even the atheist who rallies against religion, claiming it to be as awful as any criminal act, and that all traces of it must be wiped clean from the Earth, at least does not make the mistake in thinking that what a man thinks about the meaning of the universe doesn't matter.

And we don't have the discussion not because we are reaching for some great good, but because we wish to avoid the evils and dangers that come with the discussion.  But does that make the discussion not worth having?  Should the only good we do on this Earth be out of our fear of the consequences of evil? Or should the good that we do instead be for the pursuit of an idealistic perfection?  Which of the two is the more wholesome way to live?

But in order to live that wholesome way, we must have serious discussion about what the idealistic perfection is.

I think there is a problem with our world today where we are afraid to tell anyone else that what they may think or believe is wrong.  It can be very dangerous to think that our existence in this world is a purely subjective experience, where we may believe what we wish, without fear of criticism.  That can lead a person to believe that there is no such thing as consequences.  What people think or believe MATTERS.  To discuss these things, and to tell someone that they are wrong, does not mean you view that person, or their beliefs with derision or hatred, it means you are interested in discovering truth.

To simply say that a person may believe what he believes, and I have no right to criticize it, means that you believe truth to be a trivial thing of no importance.

An islamic extremist may commit great evil by setting off a suicide bomb and killing innocent people, but at least he doesn't make the mistake of thinking that his philosophy doesn't matter.  In fact, to continue viewing the world in a purely materialistic sense, without giving any serious thought as to what it means to be right, we only ensure that such violent acts continue to happen.  The extremist will continue believing in a grievous lie, because no one has bothered to discover the truth, and then tell him about it.

I myself have fallen into this trap on many occasions.  I myself am often afraid of debate and argument.  I myself am afraid of being proven wrong, or of being asked to defend, with logic, what I believe.

But I am trying to get better.  I am trying to define my life by the light, not by the dark.

There is a wonderful parable that Chesterton writes at the end of the first chapter of Heretics, where he states that it is his intention to go back to the beginning and discuss the fundamentals a society should build itself upon.  He writes:

"Suppose that a great commotion arises in the street about something, let us say a lamp-post, which many influential persons desire to pull down.   A grey-clad monk, who is the spirit of the Middle Ages, is approached upon the matter, and begins to say, in the manner of the Schoolmen, "Let us first consider, my brethren, the value of Light.  If Light be in itself good-" At this point he is somewhat excusably knocked down.  All the people make a rush for the lamp-post, the lamp-post is down in ten minutes, and they go about congratulating each other on their unmediaeval practicality.  But as things go on they do not work out so easily.  Some people have pulled the lamp-post down because they wanted the electric light; some because they wanted old iron; some because they wanted darkness, because their deeds were evil.  Some thought it not enough of a lamp-post, some too much; some acted because they wanted to smash municipal machinery; some because they wanted to smash something.  And there is war in the night, no man knowing whom he strikes.  So, gradually and inevitably, today, tomorrow, or the next day, there comes back the conviction that the monk was right after all, and that all depends on what is the philosophy of Light.  Only what we might have discussed under the gas-lamp, we now must discuss in the dark."

Sunday, June 20, 2010

New Things

Wow, yesterday's blog entry turned into such a downer!  Sorry about that.  It happens sometimes when I drink too much gin.  Let's discuss happier, new things, shall we?

I've updated the blog's layout into something more snazzy.  I was getting very frustrated with a layout where so many gadgets were piled onto the left hand side.  It was unappealing to have to scroll all the way down just to see all of the gadgets I'd added.  So I've opted for a new layout that allows for gadgets to be placed on both the left and right hand sides.  I think it makes a better use of space (so long as I make sure to keep my blog entries of sufficient length to fill things out!)

I'll probably fiddle with the colour scheme here and there, so that text doesn't disappear in the background, but I'm happy with it so far.

As it always happens, the day after I feel really down and uninspired, the next day I feel better and am full of ideas.  I've started writing a short film, and hopefully I can complete it.  I know how it ends, which will hopefully help.  I just have no idea how the middle is supposed to go...so I'll hopefully figure that out as I write it.  Right now it is called "The Dark Road".

Here's how it starts:


EXT. DARK ROAD - NIGHT


A country back road that seems to come from nowhere and is heading for nowhere.  Deep forest lines either side of the asphalt, and the only sound is the gentle rush of wind through the trees.


It is cloudy, and somewhere behind the clouds is the moon, casting a diffuse, monochrome light upon everything.


The sound of an ENGINE whining with speed.  The soft WHIR of tires treading a path upon the road.


Off in the distance, headlights shine, and grow bigger, brighter.


The little car rushes past, leaving a glowing trail of read tail lights behind it.


INT. CAR - NIGHT


EDWIN HORNISH, 36, sits behind the wheel, gripping it with one white-knuckled fist.  He chews upon the inside of his cheek.  His eyes are bloodshot, one of them swollen with a black eye.  But he keeps them fixed on what little he can see of the road ahead.  The spedometer reads a constant 160 km/h.  Top speed for the car.


A BLUES SONG plays on the car’s radio, barely audible above the roar of the engine.


SINGER (ON RADIO)
Lord, it’s hotter than hell down here.
I said it’s hotter than hell down here.
Careful what you say, son.
Ain’t no place hotter than down there.

Other things happen afterwards, of course.  


****


I've recently discovered a cool radio show on the BBC called "The Museum of Curiosity".  It is a companion show to the television series "Q.I", which I have mentioned here before.  I'm really enjoying the radio show.  Its format is quite simple...each week there are three guests on a moderated panel, and they are asked to submit an item to be curated in the "Museum of Curiosity": an imaginary museum home to anything interesting or weird.  The guests are usually comedians, scientists, historians, writers...pretty much anyone you can think of.  


Objects submitted have ranged from "The Battle of Waterloo" to "The Concept of Zero", to "That new scarf knot that everyone does nowadays where you double up the scarf and then stick the ends through the loop, which I swear it seems like people only started doing it maybe 6 or 7 years ago, even though we've had the scarf for centuries, what's up with that?"


The guests each talk about why they think that their choice is worthy of being included in the Museum of Curiosity.  It is a very entertaining, illuminating, and funny show.  


One object that was submitted that I was fascinated by was The Pineapple.


Let's talk about the Pineapple.


It turns out that the Pineapple has had quite a complex history.  When it was first discovered in Brazil in the 1600s (I think) it became such a status symbol in the UK that a single pineapple could be worth the equivalent of thousands of pounds by today's reckoning.  In other words, a pineapple would cost more than a brand new coach!  It was so hard to grow in the UK because of the climate that only the richest people could afford to grow them.  Often someone would need to be hired to sleep in the pineapple patch to constantly ensure that the seedlings were being properly cared for.


And when the pineapples were grown, they wouldn't even be eaten because they were such a status symbol.  People would bring them to parties just to show them off!  They could even be rented out for parties...


Not only that, apparently pineapples have a unique enzyme in their juices that digest protein.  That means pineapples are flesh eating!  Whenever you eat a pineapple, it's also eating you.  That tingling feeling you get in your mouth when you eat a pineapple is actually the juices digesting the proteins in your mouth.  How crazy is that?  The pineapple is the only place in nature where this enzyme is found.


It opens your eyes, learning these kinds of facts.  It makes you realize just how detailed history actually is.  You could write volumes of books just on the history of the pineapple alone.


I'm definitely looking forward to hearing more of the "The Museum of Curiosity".


****


BOOKS


This weekend I finished reading "Unseen Academicals" by Terry Pratchett, the latest Discworld novel.  In this one, Football (soccer) finally comes to Ankh-Morpork.  Technically, Football already existed there, but in a manner totally unlike the version we are familiar with.  The book is about how their football gets changed and improved to become like the sport we have.  


It was an amazing novel, and continues Terry Pratchett's dominance in the world as one of the best writers alive.  The discworld books are so incredibly enjoyable, addictive, and hilarious...but each one also communicates incredibly important themes and messages.


For instance, in this book, one of the main themes is about class, and how it can often seem like you are trapped in a particular place in the world; how people refuse to budge from their social standing, because there is a conception that one will be punished for attempting to break unwritten rules.  The invisible hammer is just waiting to crash down on us if we step out of line.  But the book reveals how the hammer isn't really there.  


But perhaps most importantly, the book talks about the concept of "worth".  What does it mean to be "Worthy"?  What does it mean to be "worthless"?  


The book sums things up quite nicely.  It doesn't matter where you end up in life.  What matters is where you end up compared with where you started.  You need to try your best in this world...but the more best you are capable of doing, the more you should do.


Terry Pratchett always amazes me.  I cannot believe he has written nearly 40 discworld books, and that pretty much all of them are of impeccable quality.


Now that I am done that book, I'm moving on to something new.  Today I went to Chapters and picked up two new things.  First off is "Stories"






A collection of short stories edited by Neil Gaiman and Al Sarrantonio.  There doesn't seem to be much of a common thread between these stories except that each story needed to be plot-centric.  Each story needed to try to capture the magic of just what exactly fiction IS.  Each story is about trying to exercise the imagination.  


It includes stories by a whole host of authors: Jonathan Carroll, Roddy Doyle, Jodi Picoult, Chuck Palahniuk... but I mostly picked it up because it has stories by Neil Gaiman and Gene Wolfe.  Yay!


Secondly, I picked up "Odd and the Frost Giants"






By Neil Gaiman.  I was a bit hesitant to get this, because it was quite expensive for a fairly short book (It's only just over 100 pages, with large type).  It's a story for young readers...but I'm a Gaiman purist so I figured I'd pick it up.  I'd waited for nearly a year before getting it, so I figured why not?  It should make a good read...and I can give it to my nephew when he is old enough to appreciate it.


Well, that's it for today!  This was a super long post, so I probably won't update again for a while.  

Saturday, June 19, 2010

What Next?

So the listenings of my EP on ReverbNation have now dwindled after one day of definite success.  Apparently I had over 50 listens on just one day!  That made me feel good...but, as expected, in the days following, the amount of listens dropped off dramatically, and now no one is looking at my profile.

But as I said, I expected this to happen.  Everyone I know who would listen to my music has now listened to it...and anyone who hasn't probably never will.  So unless I find some new avenue to advertise the EP, it will likely go unheard by a great number of people.

But I'm still pretty proud of it.  It feels like a cohesive bit of music.  It's too bad that the widget for listening to the album online creates gaps in between the songs, though, because the album is best heard without any gaps.  I spent so much time on the weekend fussing over the size of the gaps between songs, because I'm one of those people who thinks that how songs transition in an album is incredibly important (I take my cue from Nine Inch Nails).

So if any of you want to hear the album how it should be heard, you need to download it, and listen to it straight through so that the gaps disappear!

So now I'm wondering what I should do next.  What I would REALLY like to do is find some kind of job.  I'm almost out of money!!!!  Paying my taxes took nearly half of my savings....

I honestly cannot believe that it is already June, and that June is almost over.  That means it's been nearly a year since I left my last job (I left at the end of September).  I've been trying to look for work, and there have been some promising steps forward (namely my old boss forwarding my resume to a bunch of her contacts with a glowing reference), but all of the postings online seem far out of my reach, or completely uninteresting.  And the jobs I have applied for, I've had no success with.

And as much as I want to be a creative person, and have a life full of artistic endeavours...I think the sad fact of myself is that I just don't have it in me to do that stuff.  I've spent well over a decade of my life now trying to be a person that I am not.  I am always saying to myself how I'm FINALLY going to write that screenplay...how I'm FINALLY going to direct that brilliant short... but it never happens.  The scripts remain unwritten and every time I start, I come up with some excuse to give up.

So now I'm 29 and I've wasted the better part of my life pursuing a dream for which I was too lazy to put in the actual work needed to achieve it.

Nearly a month ago I went back to my old university for a kind of reunion of my program...and part of me was absolutely terrified about going.  Mostly because I'm currently out of work, by my own choice, and I knew that the main question people would be asking each other would be: "so what are you doing now?"  I didn't really know how to make "Well, I had an okay job for a bit, but then decided to leave because it was tearing me apart inside, and now I live at home with my parents and I'm still kind of torn apart inside, but without earning any money, and I don't really know what I want to do" sound in any way unpathetic.

Thankfully the reunion wasn't like that, because I was surrounded by good friends who pretty much already knew my situation and were understanding and kind about it.  However, I tried hard to avoid talking to people who I didn't know, so that I could avoid having to awkwardly explain everything!  But that's also probably because of my inherent phobia of people.  (I'm not kidding!  I think if I were born in the 17th or 18th Century, I'd be one of those novelty hermits that rich people owned.  Sometimes when I'm walking on the sidewalk, I'll cross to the other side of the street if I see someone walking in the other direction.  I've ALWAYS been like this.  As long as I can remember I've been monstrously shy.)

So I guess putting out that EP was helpful for me.  It made me feel like I was doing something interesting for once.  That I wasn't idling away all my time.  I want to do more of that...but writing song lyrics is so incredibly challenging for me.  I'm only marginally happy with the lyrics I came up with for that mini-record.  It takes practice...but one thing you quickly learn is that song lyrics are NOT poetry.  The same rules don't usually apply.

Oh God, it's so late now.  I should go to bed.  So, like many things in life, this blog entry will end abruptly, and with no central theme or meaning.


*****

P.S.  I'm thinking of trying to record a cover version of Talking Heads's "Psychokiller".  Awesome, no?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Blog Now With My Music!

So I was able to navigate the complexities of Reverbnation, and have added a little sidebar widget to my blog that will allow any visitor to listen to my music!  It may also allow for it to be downloaded, but I'm not sure.

Anyway, just look to your left to see the little player, and you can now listen to "Dissolve" right on the same page!  How easy is that?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

BIG NEWS!

Well, I think it's big news...

I've put together an EP of some of my best music!

My official bandname is "Baldanders", after the character of the same name in Gene Wolfe's brilliant "Book of the New Sun" Tetralogy.

The EP is called "Dissolve".  I selected that title because it seemed all of the songs are about someone losing their own self in some manner, whether it be for good or bad.  Although two of the tracks are instrumental.  (The last track is a bit different from the rest...though it is still about losing something.  But it rather takes the position of trying very desperately to hold onto the thing that is being lost.)

I created a reverbnation account that I'll try to build up on in the coming weeks.  I'm hoping I can find someone out there who would be willing to design for me some visual pieces relating to each song on the EP, so that I can create a real hardcopy version of the disc.

In the meantime, you can listen to it fully at the link below, and download it too for free.  I'll try to figure out one of the reverbnation widgets also, so that I can imbed the EP in the blog permanently.

Listen to "Dissolve" here: http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/2702532